do not worry that we have not seen each other in too long

Because we are spread so thin and may be spread so far from our loved ones--even the ones who live across town. Because we sometimes doubt that others still feel love for us in the absences even though we still feel love for them in the absences. Because it can be hard to ask for help. Because I love you, and you are not alone.

do not worry that you owe me a phone call

do not worry that i owe you a phone call

do not worry that it's the middle of the night

do not worry that i am in the middle of my own hard thing

do not worry that we have not seen each other in too long

do not worry that whatever this thing is feels like your fault

do not worry that you don't know me well enough after all

do not worry that you are a fucking uncalmable mess on the phone

do not worry that you will scream or vomit or smell bad

do not worry that your fridge or your trash stinks

do not worry that i need to be doing something else right now

do not worry that you think that i think something about anything that might interfere

with showing up

i will show up for you

i will be there

when you need me most.

 

i want to say:

we both know of course

there will be times that you wish I (or someone) were beside you

and i will not appear

i will prioritize something else someone else somewhere else

and though i would like to be with you

i will choose instead to show up for someone else who is in need

or for myself

because

while you may tell me that you are not in good shape

you will also tell me that you will be fine

or that you have other helpers

or that you are muddling through

and i will believe you because you are a grown-up and you know what you can handle alone and you can survive hard things and joyous things and grinding disappointment we both can we all can.

still

do not let this

my absence at some of these lesser hard times or at some of the good times or in-between times

do not let these absences

convince you that i am unreliable

that my love is changeable

that my ferocity for you is somehow less.

 

if you need me

if you call me

and all hell is breaking loose

my friend

my family

my love

i will stop for you

stop with you

there

on the phone or on your couch or in the ditch

with you

when it has tripped the wires

seeped under your door

pushed you way below the surface:

i will be there.

. . . 

PS: If you're new here and this post resonated with you, click on the link below to get weekly posts delivered to your inbox. It's free. Love, Cheryl