Because we are spread so thin and may be spread so far from our loved ones--even the ones who live across town. Because we sometimes doubt that others still feel love for us in the absences even though we still feel love for them in the absences. Because it can be hard to ask for help. Because I love you, and you are not alone.
do not worry that you owe me a phone call
do not worry that i owe you a phone call
do not worry that it's the middle of the night
do not worry that i am in the middle of my own hard thing
do not worry that we have not seen each other in too long
do not worry that whatever this thing is feels like your fault
do not worry that you don't know me well enough after all
do not worry that you are a fucking uncalmable mess on the phone
do not worry that you will scream or vomit or smell bad
do not worry that your fridge or your trash stinks
do not worry that i need to be doing something else right now
do not worry that you think that i think something about anything that might interfere
with showing up
i will show up for you
i will be there
when you need me most.
i want to say:
we both know of course
there will be times that you wish I (or someone) were beside you
and i will not appear
i will prioritize something else someone else somewhere else
and though i would like to be with you
i will choose instead to show up for someone else who is in need
or for myself
while you may tell me that you are not in good shape
you will also tell me that you will be fine
or that you have other helpers
or that you are muddling through
and i will believe you because you are a grown-up and you know what you can handle alone and you can survive hard things and joyous things and grinding disappointment we both can we all can.
do not let this
my absence at some of these lesser hard times or at some of the good times or in-between times
do not let these absences
convince you that i am unreliable
that my love is changeable
that my ferocity for you is somehow less.
if you need me
if you call me
and all hell is breaking loose
i will stop for you
stop with you
on the phone or on your couch or in the ditch
when it has tripped the wires
seeped under your door
pushed you way below the surface:
i will be there.
. . .
PS: If you're new here and this post resonated with you, click on the link below to get weekly posts delivered to your inbox. It's free. Love, Cheryl