one way to hear what you're saying to yourself

the first installment in a week-long series exploring our rituals of talking to ourselves

this happened:  our baby was born.

and then this happened:  the things that i say--and even just silently think--about myself became very, super-duper, incredibly, intensely noticeable to me.

here are some examples--positive, negative, and...well...complicated:

  • i look like crap today.
  • oh man, i'm an idiot.
  • mama can't do anything right. ["mama" is referring to me, not to my own mama, who does almost everything right.]
  • i rocked that.
  • everyone's going to think i'm [insert negative adjective here].
  • look: i can fit into my non-pregnant jeans again!
  • i think i can really help with that.
  • i'm stressed out, okay?!
  • i'm awesome at figuring out those kinds of problems.
  • i don't care what he thinks of me.
  • i just tried to be a good friend to her.
  • we're having the most fun ever, and i am hilarious.
  • i'm not doing as much creative work as [insert person, usually a woman, to whom i am comparing myself negatively here].
  • i am the luckiest person on the planet.
  • i am supermama.
  • i sounded like a moron.
  • i'm really freakin' good at that.

now, i consider myself to be a pretty self-confident person.  on the whole--from a bird's-eye view--i really do think i'm smart and kind and a good friend and creative and have things to offer the world.  and still, my daily soundtrack tends to be pretty rough on me.

when i say or think these things now, i automatically click to how i'd feel if my daughter were saying or thinking them about herself.  and often, i don't like it.  

so i'm trying to change my daily soundtrack.  and it's hard to do.

i'd love to hear from the non-mamas and non-papas, as well as the parents out there:  when do you hear what you're saying to yourself most clearly?  and how do you change it when you don't love what you hear?